verb: play roughly and energetically
noun: a spell of rough, energetic play
It has come to our attention that many of you are unsure when – if at all – you are taking part in a ROMP. To ensure the good word ‘ROMP’ is not applied incorrectly, please print out and keep this handy guide.
Not a ROMP:
– Tea at Gran’s house.
– A visit to a craft fair.
– A walk in the park.
CAPER (tepid cousin of the ROMP):
– Brandy and scandalous chats at Gran’s house.
– A spirited game of chasey through the craft fair.
– A skip in the park followed by a quick scurry up a tree.
The ROMP shoulder:
– Tequila slammers or higher at Gran’s house. One or both of you has a fall. Nan keeps calling you ‘bitch’ and laughing. You laugh too but then she throws a stick of butter at you. It misses. You admonish her by saying ‘dude’ in a low tone, then share another laugh.
– Sex in the craft fair’s food hall after hours. A lot of giggling but generally pretty vanilla stuff. A chair falls over but does not break. The cleaner almost catches you and as you run past you and your partner whoop and high five him.
– A skip in the park. But then something takes hold and you think “why not?” and get naked. Upon disrobing you notice a small dog watching which freaks you out. You think to yourself “this is madness” and get dressed. You climb a tree.
– Tequila slammers followed by paintballing at Gran’s house. Police called due to noise. Upon reaching the door the two officers are handed their own paintball guns – they happily join in. Gran throws a stick of butter and everything else dairy she can get her hands on . She then calls one of the cops “c**ntstable” instead of “constable”. The room goes quiet but then gran blows a jamaican rave-horn and everyone laughs. You grin and shake your head as if to say “classic gran”.
– Sex in the craft fair food hall during opening hours. High-fives handed out to strangers mid-coitous. Some furniture broken. Security is called, you and your partner run for an exit but both slip on spilt coffee. You skid along the floor like greased pigs as fairgoers squeal and attempt to shield the eyes of their children. You clamber to your feet, wink at the crowd and say “it’s time for us to slip out” then disappear. You take the train home with nothing but old copies of street press as clothing
– A skip in the park. But then something takes hold and you think “why not?” and get naked. Upon disrobing you realise you have actually skipped into a shopping centre. The mall security guard does a double take. Out of nowhere someone appears and starts playing yakety sax. You run up and down the escalators. At one stage you are chasing security. You then dart in and out of dressing rooms. You appear wearing the security guard’s uniform. He is naked. You both duck into a dressing room and reappear clothed as sailors. He shakes his fist. You click your heels and flee.
Please direct all further queries to the Romp Preservation Society.