Rent Inspection

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Dear tenant/s.

Well it’s that time of the year again.

To benefit both you and the landlord, but not really you and definitely him, we would like to send a low level grunt from our organisation to rifle through your stuff on 09/09/2013 between the hours of 4am and midnight.

You are most welcome to be in attendance but it would be great if you could make yourself scarcer than your tenant rights (most likely you will not be there as you are trapped in a job you hate to cover the rent that is about to – spoiler – spike higher than a football thrown by a college player on drugs that … sorry, I lost my train of thought).

We draw to your attention the provisions of the Residential Tenancies Act, which allows for periodic inspections by the owner and agent, as well as for one of our staff to storm your wardrobe, dress in your most embarrassing outfits, take photos and use your toothbrush on their elbows .

We would also appreciate your comments on any maintenance problems that may require attention. Though we will remind you that the horrible curse upon the abode, which causes the water temperature to be unpredictable to the point of danger, the floor to tilt, the power points to spark at the cat, the neighbours to play top 40 hits, you to overeat and whatever is in the cellar to cry out for sacrifice, remains the responsibility of the occupier.

Should you have any queries please do hesitate to leave a comment on the MySpace page of my band, Luddite Holiday.

Yours faithfully,

LeStacy Blane

Practice Realty

Maintenance Issues Required: Hey LeStacy. If possible could we please get the hole in the lounge room ceiling fixed and the cannonball removed and returned to the Historical Reenactment club that shares our fence at rear. Thx

Any other issues: As mentioned on the phone, it would be great if we could get permission from the landlord to make a small incision in the kitchen wall to access the crawl space behind. Our friend Damien got lost in there some weeks ago and his movements are becoming increasingly unpredictable. We are worried he has got into the rat poison (again) so getting him out of there ASAP would be great.

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