Going Down – Sketch

Two men, MAC and CAM, are in an elevator, facing forward.

CAM pushes a couple of buttons and looks at the floor
indicator above the door.

++++++ CAM
+++ Dammit. It is definitely stuck. Man
+++ I’m going to be so late.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Do you want a massage?

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Do I want a?-

+++ +++ MAC
+++ – massage. Yeah, you know, if
+++ you’re feeling tense.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ A massage?

+++ +++ MAC
+++ It’s a therapeutic rub to relax the
+++ muscles.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Mate, I know what a massage is.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ I’m a masseuse so it wouldn’t be
+++ weird.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Well we’ve been stuck for about 3
+++ seconds so, yeah, it would probably
+++ be weird.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ This is a tense situation. It might
+++ be relaxing. It’s what I do.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ I don’t need relaxing.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Don’t you?

+++ +++ CAM
+++ NO!

+++ +++ MAC
+++ You might do.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Well, I really don’t.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Or do you.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Seriously, what is your–

+++ +++ MAC
+++ You seem pretty tense.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ I seem tense because I’m late and
+++ stuck in a metal box with some guy
+++ I don’t know trying to give me a
+++ bloody rubdown!

MAC looks hurt. CAM takes stock.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Look. Sorry to fly off the handle.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ That’s Ok … you’re tense.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ I’m not t– look, I’m an accountant
+++ and you don’t see me offering my
+++ services the second some elevator
+++ gets stuck.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ What, to give me a massage?

+++ +++ CAM
+++ No. Why would I- There’s- No. To, I
+++ don’t know, do your tax or
+++ something.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Well, you could offer… after the
+++ massage.

Beat.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ I’m pretty good.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Fine. But just, um, quickly, a
+++ minute or whatever –

+++ +++ MAC
+++ That’s all we’ll need.

MAC starts to massage CAM’s shoulders. Slowly CAM gets into
it.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ That actually feels pretty good.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ I know. Shhh. Juuusst relaaaax.

The massage continues.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Do you mind undoing the top button.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Sure.

The massage continues. CAM emits some low moans of approval.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Actually, let’s get into it shall
+++ we? Shirt off the shoulders,
+++ please.

A very relaxed CAM pauses then complies, unbuttons his shirt
a bit and lets it fall off his shoulders.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ (very relaxed) Ok, Mr Magic
+++ fingers, but just for a second.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ (Cooing)Mmmmm. Whoooo’s tense?

+++ +++ CAM
+++ (mumbles, dream like) MMmmmm I’m
+++ tense.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Mmmmm Yes you are. Let’s rub that
+++ nasty tension away.

+++ +++ CAM
+++ Mmmmm Yes. Goodbye, nasty tension.

+++ +++ MAC
+++ Who feels gooood?

+++ +++ CAM
+++ MMmmmmmmeeeeeeee-ahhhh…….

+++ MAC
+++ +++ Yeeesssss…

+++ +++ CAM
+++ MMMMmmmmmmmmm…ooooooh

Suddenly the elevator pings and the door opens. MAC
instantly stops the massage and steps to the side. A
SECRETARY hurries up to the door and hands MAC a folder.

+++ +++ SECRETARY
+++ Good evening, Senator Archer, these
+++ are the case files from the inquest
+++ you were chasing …

MAC/Senator Archer and the SECRETARY briskly walk off
talking business while CAM realises that he has accepted a
rubdown from a complete stranger. A WOMAN appears and enters
the elevator. She looks at the still bare-chested CAM.

+++ +++ WOMAN
+++ Pervert.

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